This is an open letter to all of those Twin Citians we share the road with each day. We’re sorry. Really, really sorry for the condition of our cleaning van. We know, we know. It looks like, well, it looks like the vehicle Pig-Pen would drive if he was grown up and owned a cleaning business. Ironic, isn’t it? A van claiming to be owned by a cleaning company and yet, caked with dust and mud. Sad, really.
We’ve heard you click your tongues in disapproval. We’ve heard the horrified shrieks. We’ve even seen a few of you shield your children’s eyes to save them from having to look directly at the mess. We understand.
You see, the road to our office is under construction. It has been since June. Of 1968. Ok, not that long, but it has been without pavement since June of this year. We’re sure you’re asking yourself why we don’t get the vehicle washed. We tried that. We even bought the extra wax, hoping the dust and dirt would slide off. No luck. We have to take this mud pit. It is the only way to get to and from our office.
“Surely”, you’re saying to yourself, “it couldn’t be that bad.” Trust us; hillbillys in over-sized four-wheel drive vehicles think twice about traveling this one mile stretch of road. On the first day of school, we heard of no less than 10 incidents of retainers being flung from the mouths of children and lost forever on the school bus due to the pitted nature of this road. Rumor has it that the local mechanic just bought a vacation home in the south of France due to the increase in business from alignments.
It is our sincere hope that the construction will be done sometime before the next presidential election, but in the meantime, please don’t judge. We’re really very clean people.